The Ugly Truth

So I realized that it’s been awhile since I blogged and worked on promoting my book.  This site is all about love but the problem is that for the last few months, I’ve been feeling anything but sunshine and rainbows. My usual ‘go to’ is to portray this consistently happy image online but here’s the thing, sometimes life is just hard as shit!

I decided to take a new job which meant a huge transfer for me and my family. When we first discussed the idea, it was hypothetical and exciting sounding. We were all jumping up and down with the ideas and possibilities of something better, something more. Every step of the way, we made sure to consult our teenage kids as we knew how tough this would be for them. They amazed me by being 100% behind us, looking for new houses from before I even got the position. Even my parents and grandmother, who I was worried about telling, gave us the green light to go for it and make the most of every opportunity.

Before I had the chance to blink, I was promoted into the role with the flexibility of starting in six to eight weeks which would give us enough time to sell our home, find areas that we wanted to move into, enroll the kids into school and find a new job for my husband. Sounded like heaps of time and we got moving straight away.

Only the thing is reality doesn’t quite work the way you see it in your head…Our house sale has been complex and challenging, through no fault but our own. The kids have started to worry about changing their lives and my husband has been sad to leave his current job with people who love and respect me.

Through it all, I’ve tried to stay upbeat, calm and forward focused. I’ve reassured the children, looked for a new house and worked hard to ensure that our house sells so that we have money to live! At nights I get so worried, that I lay awake at night tossing and turning about what I’m doing. Is my selfish need to progress hurting the people I love the most? Will we have a better life there than the one we already have here? Will I see my grandmother again and will she be able to come and see me? Will my nephew who relies on us to help every week, remember us and forgive us for not being there for him? Sometimes, the pressure gets so much that I can’t think straight and I end up lashing out at the one person’s who stays calm and reassures me. I’d be lost without him there to pull me back when I just want to give up.

Being a working woman is hard, being a working mother and wife, sometimes even harder. I’m grateful for every opportunity that comes my way and I know in the long run, that things will work out, they always do because of a few things.

  1. I have a family who love and support me.
  2. I never give up.
  3. When I calm down, I’m able to see through the fog and make some plans to keep us afloat.

I guess love has an ugly side sometimes too that has to be overcome. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. But it’s how we work through these with the ones that we love that make us stronger. I’m grateful for the people who listen to me. I’m grateful to the people who support me and I’m eternally grateful for the life I live. So if over the next few months, I lay low, know it’s not because I’m not thinking of this site and the promotion of my work, but I’m thinking of my family and making sure that each and every one of us finds our feet in our new home.

Oh and if I ever want to move again, someone remind me to read this post!


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